I thank my dependency on carbonated diet drinks for my safety last Sunday.  Just seconds out of the car, into the gas station (Allsup’s) and standing in front of the cold drinks…boom.  Seizure.

I should have known better.  I was tired, really sleepy.  I also couldn’t form sentences correctly.  I was misfiring.  After my father lifted me up, out of the store, back into the passenger seat of the car, I came to.  I didn’t know where I was, why Mom was driving, why the dog was with my parents, and I surely did NOT have another one.  No, not another one.  I was doing so good!  I was fine!  The medication was the right amount!  The hormone replacement was not interfering because I wasn’t going on and off. 

The worst part of epilepsy is the helplessness.  I can’t stop a seizure, and my little ques of an oncoming tonic clonic are usually only noticed in hind sight because they change or are very minor.  My loved ones look so angry…so angry.  I slept!  I did!  I took my Tegretol, I did!  I feel they hate me for this.  I just hate this.

I count my blessings.  God has protected me thus far.   Why I have epilepsy, I don’t know.  Somewhere in the genes of my father’s side it laid, waiting for the girls.  I have a different hypothesis:  we’re just too intelligent.  Our brains can’t handle it.  It’s overload.