…and I know He watches me.

This morning I sit cleaning out my blog.  You ever find a diary you had as a kid and think, “Omigosh!  How naive I was!”  Yeah, those were a lot of my blog posts.  I plan to do the same for the ones you can still view when I  mature some more.  Could be tomorrow.

Looking at old posts, I see how much I have learned in just three years, but realize I have a long way to go.  I am already only 26.  What does that mean?  It means a lot of my friends are nested, some are not, and I’m floating on the wind.  Have a long way to go but should have been there by now.  It’s ridiculous.  I’m getting mixed messages from everyone, so I must remember to go to Him.

I think that if I were an animal (indulge me here), that I would be a bird.  Before you start with the “bird brain” jokes, hear me out.  Just like me, birds go where the wind takes them, where there is sustenance.  They are restless.

They also love bread.  It’s haunting, right?

I have known Boyfriend for over five years.  He saw me graduate college, he saw me struggle for work and in work, he has been my champion when I faced scary health situations, we have made vacations together, we have shared holidays, pets and a home.  We have been in a relationship and out of one.   He has faults, and I have mine.  He wants to nest, I can’t get flight out of my head.  I can’t get my bird brain out of the clouds!  I have a list of all the things I want to see and do in the next four years and then a starter list for after that.  These lists change, as days, months and years go by.  But Boyfriend has only one thing on his list.

So, like a lot of twenty-somethings, Boyfriend and I have a forked road ahead us.  I actually want to construct a new road, that runs a course in the middle, but “Build New Road” is not on Boyfriend’s list.   So, like a lot of women, I have pulled in outside counsel.  Mom, obviously.  Dad.  Grandma.  Friends. Even a couple of acquaintances that run the line of almost being a friend, but aren’t there yet.  I know everyone must face decisions like this.  I just have the unique talent of drawing it out this long, and Boyfriend has the admirable talent of holding on.

So, as I do every night, I take it to God.  I understand that I must first know myself.  Knowing myself means walking with Christ.  There, in this walk, I will find answers, and even if I make a mistake (because I will make them), I have faith that I will learn from the missteps and discover the reason behind them.  No more waiting for tomorrow with my head in the clouds.  Each day has its purpose.

“My soul yearns, even faints, for the courts of the LORD; my heart and my flesh cry out for the living God.  Even the sparrow has found a home, and the swallow a nest for herself, where she may have her young— a place near your altar, Lord Almighty, my King and my God.  Blessed are those who dwell in your house; they are ever praising you.” –Psalm 84:2-4

“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes?  Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?” — Matthew 6:25-27