Posted on by Lawren McConnell

No More Worries

As I prepare for a trip home, I know that Grandma would have been worried.  She hated planes.  Was in only one once her entire life, but that was enough.  She was afraid of me driving, of me flying, of me being far away, of all the bad people.  I know that once I would walk in her house, her smile would be one of relief as well as happiness to see to me.

The last words I spoke to Grandma were that I loved her, and not to worry about me.  Those were always my parting words to Grandma.

“Paying respects” is too cold-sounding of a term for this trip, because I love her so much.

Grandma grew in a time and place where women were not educated, but charged with building homes.  The life this woman had is remarkable, and her strength seems unfathomable.  Without her determination and endurance, I wouldn’t exist.  She not only gave me my roots, but she kept our family together, reminded us of where we all came from, and that remembrance builds character.   I believe her strength may be a inheritable trait.  My aunts are tough as nails.  My sister and I don’t fear adventure even though Dad keeps telling us to get our butts back home.  When tough times have come, there is this inner strength I can only credit to the Holy Spirit and my family.

Grandma was a very intelligent woman with common sense and wit.  She was funny.  I remember sitting with her in the cab of her truck when she and my grandpa would sell molding at the flea market, and we would give me advice on career and love.  Her words made sense to me, and she always reminded me of my worth.

She prided herself on her cooking, even after she couldn’t anymore.  She tried to teach me to roll tortillas.  I might have gotten some of her stubbornness, but not her coordination.

Even though some may feel contrary, I believe my grandmother lived a complex life, not easily understood.  At least in this granddaughter’s eyes.  On one hand she never left home.  She worried about all of us.  And even though she conceded that times had changed, she still wanted me to have a husband to take care of me now and children to take care of me when I got old.  Then, on the other hand, she was orphaned at two years old.  She lived a hard life in which she worked constantly to build a family.  In that respect, she knew women were capable of handling difficulty.  I know she wanted for me, what she had found.  A man dedicated to her completely.  My grandfather is the only one I have known, and in his quiet way, he loved her so much that it made her life sweeter, complete.

She prayed for me every night.  And her prayers and her example helped get me through college.  Even though she won’t see me one day get married, or she won’t hold my children, she saw me graduate college with honors.  She appreciated how hard I worked, and she loved seeing pictures of places I have been.  She would point to my new home and say, “Everything’s so pretty there.”

Now Grandma is finally home, and she finally gets to experience how incredibly beautiful everything is.  An experience I cannot even imagine.  I’m excited for her.  She loved pretty things.  She must be ecstatic right now.

She has no worries for me.  I have such loss in my heart, because I know I won’t see that smile, I won’t get to talk to her about work, about men, about the past and the future.  But I carry her with me, and am comforted in believing that she will see me get married, have children, roll the perfect tortilla, and tell my children about where they came from.  From blood, tears, love, strength and a deep understanding of the unconquerable soul.

Posted on by Lawren McConnell · 2 Comments

The Mom Blog

Tonight marks the last night that my mother is 29 years old.  That is right, my mother turns the big 3-0 tomorrow.  No, no, no!  Stop doing the math!  Okay, Mom is not turning 30.  She is turning               .  Ha ha!  Thought I was going to post it.  No, mom raised me smart-like!  Let’s just say Mom was born somewhere after electricity being invented and before the new iPad came out. 

After the post for Father’s Day, Mom requested a post in her honor.  For all you bloggers out there, these things cannot be requested, they simply come, and Mother’s Day is a long way away (which would have given me reflection time).  But…since she is not getting a day at Sephora, I will publicly post some of her words of wisdom that              years of life have given her.   

There really is too much, and like with the Father’s Day post, I am more likely going to remember the things she tells me on a regular basis and the nuggets of wisdom that are more relevant to my life right now.  Mom gets a lot of frantic calls from me in need of advice.  She is Mom.  If you are a mother, reading this post with small children, keep in mind that the “Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom…MOM, MOOOOOMMMMMMM, Mah, Mah, Momma,” really never ends, it just turns into voicemails that sound something like, “Mom, where are you and why aren’t  you picking up the phone?  Gah, your cell phone is as useful as a baked potato on your person, I swear.  Well, if you ever do check your voicemail, I just wanted to tell you about my insane day.  Sigh….omigosh, I’m so tired.  You know what?  I’m just really tired right now.  I feel like I could fall asleep.  I need a vacation.  I really do.   Let’s go to Disneyland and Vegas.  Just go.  I’m going to pickup groceries before going home.  I want fruit.  Omigod!  I found the most delicious fruit!  I wish I could send it to you.  What was it called?  Dammit, of course, now I can’t remember.  It was like an apricot/plum hybrid, but not a pluot.  They were only $4.99/lb.  Geez, everything is so expensive.  Still want a vacation, though.  Well, call me! Luv ya, bye!” 

So the following are a few things Mom says that stick with me because she says them all the time.

“You have to understand.  Men are stupid.”

This is a true statement.  Thanks, Mom!  What Mom means (most of the time) is that men truly are wired differently, and they are “stupid” when it comes to the completely rational and understandable words and actions of women.  We can’t expect men to read our minds or understand our thought processes because theirs are different.  And this goes both ways.  Even though I am way more blunt and straightforward than a lot of women, I still don’t understand guys even though I refrain from games.  I thought communication was key in any relationship.  Just talk it out, and figure out what he is thinking, but that not always works.  Sometimes it makes it much, much worse, and then I remember.  Men are stupid. 

“Because I’m the Mom.”

Wow.  I’ll take years of poop, messes, screaming, stickiness, bills, homework, arguments, boos boos, sleepless nights and tantrums to be able to use that phrase with my adult children.  What Mom says goes.  The end.  Mom is all-powerful.  She is Queen.  As Bill Cosby said, “I’ve seen that job, and I don’t want it” now Mom experiences some of the pleasantries.  She really can say whatever she wants because I’m mature enough now to be respectful.  Mom dragged me everywhere as a kid.  She endured numerous birthdays of mud pies and crayon marks for birthday presents.   I was not respectful.  I made scenes, I cried for constant attention, I never brushed my hair, loved dirt and ate everything in sight.   When I got older, I would say I was a nerd, but I wasn’t really good at math, so more of a dork.  With Mom I was a total snot.  I even pleaded (successfully) for her to both finance and attend…uh….boy band concerts.  I know, I know, that was tough on Mom.  (Disclaimer:  That was a fetish of a 13-year-old me, and I have since killed her.)   So, I was sewn at her hip or locked in my room, but she was always there for me.  Through fights, through disease and growing up.  Because she is my mother.  And now Mom is always right.  Because she’s the Mom.

“You know what I found?”

Okay, usually this question is answered with a cookie cutter, but I still consider it words of wisdom, even though it interrupts me all the time.  Why?  Because it reminds me to take joy in discovery.  In everything.  In baking, in driving and seeing new things, in reading, in weird hybrid fruit.  Mom and I now commonly use this interjection, and when I see something new, I think of Mom.

“Get that fixed!  Right now!”

This pertains to everything really.  My car, my bills and my health.  She is Mom, so she worries about me.  Sometimes I wonder what scenarios go through her head when she lists all the things that need to be done immediately.  I think her fear, and something she really thinks is going to happen, is that my  tire will not only go flat but explode, I will over correct and drive 95 miles per hour into a ditch.  I get out of the car, but then I don’t have a seizure, I have some weird unnamed metabolic and neurological disease (that went undetected because I didn’t ask the right questions at my last doctors’ appointments) causing both my arms to spontaneously fall off, so I can’t dial the phone to call her and tell her that if only I had weekly doctors’ appointments and took my car in every month, I wouldn’t literally be stuck in a ditch, armless and without transportation.   Mom, no doubt, reading this blog, does not find this funny at all, because she believes,

“Hey, you never know.”

And Mom is right.  You never know what is going to happen which is both an argument for and against being prepared.  Being a responsible adult and thinking ahead is necessary.  I’ve been in freak accidents that could have been prevented with doing things on time or just thinking.  Now, this can also be a positive, and a reason to sometimes, just sometimes, throw caution to the wind and take a risk without much mental preparation.  “Hey, you never know” also made me think that maybe that guy isn’t that ridiculous, that I could enjoy a career and residential move,  and that I could get into that school.  Hey, you never know is getting me through my late 20s when everyone seems to be nesting, and I’m still on “What’s next?”

Whenever we are not talking about cheap and hollow accusations against by precious and innocent furdaughter Sydney, now in her care, we talk about work stress and my romantic life or lack thereof.  Usually, right in the middle of life revelations, she tells me the name of the new face wash she found, and all is right with the world.  Because life is not made up of daily life-altering revelations, but of little things like errands, weird fruit finds, conversations, dog hijinks and the quest for smooth skin and good recipes. 

Mom won’t tell me what to do, because she knows I have to figure it out.  This is my life, and she told me that life is full of mistakes so not to fret over every decision.  Through all of the examples Mom has given me of her life at my age, she made mistakes but she stayed true to herself.  She knew herself.  That is the goal for me.  No matter who enters my life or who exits it, I don’t lose myself in the journey.  Every year I learn something about my Mom’s journey, the life she has already led and the dreams she has for the years ahead.  The years that add up to her       st birthday, have made her the woman I have to call not only on her birthday but for everything.  I look forward to seeing and being a part of her year ahead.  Because you never know, and she’s the Mom.

Posted on by Lawren McConnell

On Father’s Day

On this Father’s Day, I will pay tribute to my dad my publishing some of his words of wisdom to all my readers.  So for you, and the other person who reads my blog.

Now, my father has lived an incredible life so far, full of trials, humor, grief, success, love, friendship, service, learning and transformation.  I am so proud to be my father’s child, that I talk about him quite frequently.  This post in no way can convey who my father is and how I revere him, so I will just post some little phrases that Dad has spoken, and hope they serve you as they continue to serve me.  Repitition is the God of wisdom, right? 

Life lesson:  Honor your parents.  Never forget where you came from and respect your upbringing.  The world is full of experiences and new responsibilties, from work to travel, to raising our own families.  We all are short on time and as we grow into adults, we become consumed with moving up in our careers and leading our own lives.  While this is expected, we cannot forget about our parents.  We must cherish who they are and what they do for us today, not just in the past.

“I didn’t raise you just so you could leave.”

Life lesson:  Although making lemonade out of lemons is a common way of looking on the bright side, we must develop and utilize our strengths, not complain about our weeknesses.  We all have talents, and using our talents and developing our skills will bring success.  The best ingredients make the best dishes, and the same goes with our accomplishments. 

“You can’t make chicken soup out of chicken shit.”

Life lesson:  Don’t be so negative.

“Don’t be so negative.”

Life lesson:  Appreciate what you have!  When thinking about material things we must always take stock of what really matters and really appreciate the gifts we are given.  Constant attainment of material goods will not bring us happiness.  True entertainment comes from creativity, imagination and making the best of what you have.

“You know what toys I had as a kid?  I had two, two by fours.  That’s what I played with.”

Life lesson:  Life is confusing for people.  It always will be.  Becoming upset with confusion is pointless.  We must have faith in God, as He knows our path, and we can find our true self only by serving  Him.  He knows what is best for us, and He is watching us always.  We are safe under His grace.  We must trust in God always.

“Drop kick me Jesus, through the goal posts of life.”

Life lesson:  Language ties us to our heritage.  It allows us to converse with people in speech and through culture.  This allows deeper levels of communication and not knowing the language of your family is allowing yourself to be left in the dark in conversation and not taking the gift given by our ancestors.  It can also lead to being lost in rural areas, not attaining the popular vote in any future political campaigns, and looking stupid period.  Learn Spanish. 

*Insert rant about needing to learn Spanish in Spanish with wild hand gestures here* 

Life lesson:  Everything takes a bit of strategy.  You can’t just hope for the best and go for it.  Think about it, visualize it, and execute the strategy.  Works in life, works in basketball.

“It’s all in the wrist.”

Life lesson:  There’s no place like home.

“But THIS is the Land of ENCHANTMENT.”

Life lesson:  Work hard with a kind heart and people will follow by example.  Yelling with a closed mind will get you absolutely nowhere.  People may fear you, people may do what you advise out of this sense of fear, but respect is not attained through this form of “leadership.”  A true leader is a servant of the people.  A good listener.  Someone generous and caring.  A strong sense of right and wrong coupled with a caring disposition.  Words mean nothing without action as evidence to support those words.  Lead by example.  Your example comes from being a follower of Christ.  People do not always understand by hearing, you must prove yourself.

“You don’t demand respect, you earn it.”